No parent likes to see their child fail, or the face that comes with that realisation. It can be really hard, and often we go out of our way to avoid a situation where they will be disappointed. But the good news is, failing can be good. It is an important stage of development which makes children stronger, more resilient, and teaches some important lessons.

If your child has read Ten foolproof arguments to convince your parents that failing is good (link), the good news is they’re half way there.

But rather than sit back and hope they understand why failing is good for them, here are some practical ways you can support them through the process, so they come out the other end stronger and more determined to succeed next time!

1. Offer some comfort. Acknowledging your child’s struggle and being sympathetic can go a long way in helping them accept what’s happened and move past it. You don’t need to immediately try to fix it, or blame someone or something else. Just offering support will help them learn valuable coping skills.
2. Teach them persistence. Often kids might want to give up at the first sign of trouble or put it in the too-hard basket. Make sure they understand the need to try again and keep trying until they get it right, or at least improve.
3. Affirmations. Positivity can go a long way to ensuring kids stay the course and aren’t tempted to give up. The growth mindset is built up through a positive outlook, and too often kids can get frustrated or believe they simply can’t do something if they don’t get it right the first time. Offering a positive phrase for them to say, such as “I am strong” or “I am confident I can do this” might help kickstart the growth mindset.
4. Help them back on the horse. Who doesn’t want to give up when we’re tired and over it all? But sometimes the best thing to do is just pick ourselves up and get right back into it. Encouraging your child to try again and not give up is great, but you also need to recognise if it’s all too much and they need a break.
5. Encourage them to try something different. If it’s really not working for now, suggest they take a different approach, or let the problem go and try something else. Sometimes a slight adjustment is all that’s required to get back on track.
6. Help them adjust their expectations. Sometimes our kids can try to do too much too soon. That’s ok, but so is breaking down the problem into smaller pieces, or taking more time to get something done. Adjusting our expectations is a part of life sometimes!
7. Disappointment is part of life. Ahh yes. Disappointment often lurks where we really don’t want it to, but we all have to deal with it from time to time. For children, disappointment can be hard to deal with, and it can be even harder for parents to see their child so disappointed about something. But learning to deal with it is an important skill to master, and will teach your child important coping mechanisms.
8. Ask what they learnt. Learning is the aim of the game here, and often the best way to learn is through failing. It can teach us so many things that success simply can’t. Failing to learn from failure is a much bigger problem than the art of failing itself, so encourage your child to consider what lesson they might be able to draw from what’s happened, and how they might use that to do better next time.